Clash of the Titans

If you like cardboard with your cheese, then this brawny block of cheddar should be the perfect treat. If you're more of a brie person (and hold the cardboard, please), then this remake of the 1981 fantasy feature Clash of the Titans may be best ignored. Then again, there's so much gooey fromage on display in this action flick that it's likely all cheese lovers (no matter the type) will find something to enjoy. It's the cardboard that doesn't go down quite so easily.

That bland flavour comes courtesy of ubiquitous star Sam Worthington, who has left the multi-billion dollar world of Pandora for a trip to Ancient Greece. Worthington may be in sword-and-sandal territory now, but he is once again pitted against a persistent nemesis in the form of his Aussie accent. Between last summer's Terminator Salvation, last winter's Avatar, and now this spring stew, Worthington has proven that he can slay just about any creature as long as it doesn't originate from his own vocal cords.

Worthington plays famed hero Perseus, who bravely and brilliantly bested the serpent-haired Gorgon named Medusa, according to Greek mythology. Not according to Greek mythology, but rather according to the 1981 version of Clash of the Titans, Perseus followed up his Medusa defeat with a nasty, world-threatening date with the sea beast known as the Kraken. This remake follows the same fractured treatment of myth and magic that allowed its predecessor to punctuate the point about clashing titans with a really large monster.

There's always going to be a place in blockbuster cinema for a group of mythical monsters and such creatures that exist in Clash of the Titans are virtually guaranteed to provide some level of acceptable entertainment. For example, it isn't difficult to give in to the popcorn delights of a giant scorpion army attacking the heroes in a sequence that operates as a highlight of this remake.

Director Louis Leterrier keeps the fun factor flying high as the CGI arachnids rampage through an attractively archaic desert landscape. That this relatively enjoyable sequence is about as good as the remake gets is fitting when you consider the movie upon which it is based. The original Clash of the Titans was also a silly cheese-fest made memorable by its collection of larger-than-life monsters.

But the one not-so-secret weapon in the original movie's arsenal was the brilliant stop-motion work by special effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen. Every creature model Harryhausen has ever touched now occupies a spectacular space in the annals of special effects history and his work in the 1981 Clash of the Titans is especially iconic. None of the digital effects parading before moviegoer's eyes in this remake are likely to be remembered come next summer, so Leterrier's version lacks a specific visual punch that allowed the original movie to make a big impression in spite of all that cheese.

Ironically, the weakest CGI effect in this remake arrives courtesy of the monster who represents some of the finest work of Harryhausen's entire career. In the original movie, Medusa is an astonishing stop-motion spectacular, a very special effect that will be remembered forever. But in this updated version, the nasty Gorgon with the (literally) stony glare is a tangle of messy CGI that is visually forgettable at best.

This new Clash of the Titans doesn't have much to live up to outside of the effects department and so, with lowered expectations, Leterrier manages to craft an edible snack that should remain relatively tasty when coupled with whatever beverage you feel best accompanies cheese. It's never more than a big, dumb monster party with Worthington in the middle, standing stiff and looking like he was a refrigerator box in a past life. But with Leterrier at the helm, that melted concoction proves to be enough to keep things from turning entirely mouldy.

Worthington certainly deserves whatever disdain may be hurled his way, but it's not like he receives any help from the rest of the cast. British thesps Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes play easily disgruntled gods Zeus and Hades with all of the combined energy of a pile of corpses. They seem to understand that they're there to bring the silly, but they never seem to be having much fun in the roles. Neeson roars loudly his few lines, while Fiennes wheezes his dialogue, and none of their exciting talent really shines through.

Female lead Gemma Arterton puts her angelic beauty to good use in the role of ageless human Io, who has been watching over Perseus since he was a child. Io joins Perseus and his army of armour-clad men on their harrowing journey and it's nice to see the female lead bypass a sticky damsel-in-distress situation. But Arterton still doesn't have a lot to do and, while Io does try to join in the fight, she's still ultimately treated as little more than eye candy.

Like nearly everything else in Clash of the Titans, the acting is ripe for a few insulting jabs. It's flat, flimsy, floppy, and probably a whole slew of other words that begin with the combined letters f and l. But Leterrier is a dedicated entertainer and so, through the movie's scope, attitude, and quickened pace, he somehow pulls off something that passes for an enjoyable cinematic romp. It may be cobbled together from a pile of used parts and it may be further proof that Worthington's acting talent is an elusive beast, but it's still satisfying enough in the realm of B-movie thrills and spills to avoid sinking into the depths of disaster.

Since the movie's best moments come at the hands (or claws) of the gigantic creatures, Harryhausen's absence in this remake is certainly felt. The CGI is often impressive (Medusa really is the only major digital blunder), but it lacks the soul and imagination of the original's stop-motion villains. Even though Leterrier allows the movie to be considerably weakened in various areas, he still knows how to tap into the joy of mythical mayhem. Monsters mash and Titans clash and it's all a good amount of fun, even if you'll be struggling to get the taste of cardboard out of your mouth long after the cheesy aroma has faded away.