Crank: High Voltage

What can be said about a juvenile action movie that features a scene in which a metal-mouthed gangster slices off his own nipples? That it redefines the low standard for bad taste? That its sole purpose is to shock and titillate? Or that it is destined to become a quirky cult classic? In the case of the mind-numbingly over-the-top Crank: High Voltage, perhaps the best answer is all of the above.

Bursting with energy from the very first frame, this crazed sequel opens with a brief animated homage to old 8-bit video games, complete with blocky graphics and simplistic electronic music blaring in the background. This beginning pretty much sums up the proceedings from that point on. This movie has far more in common with relentless action-based video games than it does with its celluloid cousins.

The story picks up exactly where the last Crank adventure left off. The last time we saw protagonist Chev Chelios (Jason Statham, who at least gets to flex his comedic muscles in this franchise), he was lying lifeless on a Los Angeles street after falling out of a helicopter. That kind of fall would kill most people, but you can never underestimate the illogical possibilities of life and death when dealing with a successful movie. When the last movie was a decent hit, a second Crank was inevitable and all that stood in the way was the apparent death of the lead character.

In order to get around that minor plot point, franchise masterminds Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor have come up with a story that involves Chinese gangsters stealing Chev's heart and replacing the organ with an elaborate artificial one. The plan is to keep Chev alive just long enough to be able to harvest his other organs, but of course, Chev wakes up on the operating table and escapes to wreak havoc for an hour and a half.

But just like the last time Chev went on a rampage, there's a twist that threatens his life. In the first Crank movie, a potentially fatal poison injection required Chev to keep his adrenaline levels elevated on a regular basis. This time around, Chev's artificial heart needs electricity to keep beating. This predicament leads to increasingly ridiculous scenes of Chev hooking booster cables to his chest and tongue and shocking himself with a taser gun. Every time he gives himself an electrical charge, he receives a jolt of strength and energy that propels him to the next action sequence.

If that synopsis sounds a bit farfetched to you, then be forewarned that such nonsense is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to pushing the limits of cinematic sanity. Crank: High Voltage is gleefully bonkers and it doesn't calm down for the entire duration of the movie (even the end credits have trouble sitting still). Watching this movie is akin to witnessing a two-year-old who just drank twenty litres of Pepsi and topped it off with a Costco-sized bag of sugar. The entire experience is exhausting due to its unstoppable propulsion.

Of all the projects Statham has been involved in (his filmography includes The Transporter, War, Death Race, and The Bank Job), the unhinged world of Crank may be his best fit. That is not necessarily a compliment or an insult, but rather a subjective observation that can be interpreted both ways. Statham always seems like he's taking himself too seriously and his tough guy swagger always feels like an act, so it makes sense that he would be most at home in a preposterous action movie that goes for the comedic jugular.

Crank: High Voltage is an even more exaggerated take on this type of real-time action thriller than its predecessor. Neveldine and Taylor know who their fans are and they have gone to some imaginative lengths to deliver the R-rated goods. Those who enjoy this kind of manic movie will be wholly entertained from start to finish, while those who are turned off by movies featuring shotguns shoved in bodily orifices will be wise to steer clear.

In some ways, Crank: High Voltage defies criticism. It is as stupid and ludicrous as any mainstream American movie likely to be released this year, but that is exactly what this particular pile of trashy nonsense is striving for. It features such unexpected casting as Corey Haim playing a mulleted strip club manager and David Carradine as a hundred-year-old Chinese crime boss. It flaunts its R rating like a reckless teenager with a fake ID. It is a freak show flashing before your eyes at twenty-four frames per second. It may even drop your IQ a few points through its flagrant display of idiocy. And yet, calling this movie a piece of junk is simply playing into its hand, giving it what it wants. So let's just say that Crank: High Voltage is everything you're picturing in your head and it's up to you to decide whether or not that image depicts a dream or a nightmare.