The Expendables

Composed as a love letter to 80s(-inspired) action cinema, The Expendables is a lightning quick compilation of broken bones, snapped necks, and exploding objects, all punctuated by the occasional image of a person's upper half being removed from its lower counterpart. It's a love letter penned in blood and it plays like a sort of previously misplaced, newly discovered Greatest Hits collection lifted directly from the heyday of macho action flicks, when the heroes were defined by their rippling biceps and quirky quips.

The genre has changed throughout the decades (for better or worse), but Sylvester Stallone, one of the defining architects of the 80s era of action cinema, seems to be stuck in a time warp. The Expendables is ridiculous, over-the-top, and completely crazy at times, but it's also one of the most entertaining action movies in recent memory. It's a big, steroid-fuelled punch to the face and a wake-up call looking to recruit every action movie fan to revel in the glory of all the blood, guts, and carnage the budget could muster. And that proves to be a significant amount.

Apparently, $80 million buys a lot of fake blood and real explosions (who knew?). Despite costing considerably less than most action-driven blockbusters (by now, the average budget for action extravaganzas is north of $150 million), The Expendables doesn't skimp on the gore. Stallone and his buddies spend much of their time arguing over whether killing a guy with a gun or a knife is more awesome and they make good points for either side of the argument. When guns and knives aren't quite right for the situation, a good couple kicks to the head should result in some fatal fracture.

Such are the brutal abilities of The Expendables, a group of friendly assassins who've never met a bone they can't break or a body they can't explode. Led by Stallone, they're a collection of tough guys from the past few decades of rock 'em sock 'em entertainment. There's Jet Li, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, and the recently resurrected Mickey Rourke. But perhaps the most welcome face for the action fan in me is that of the towering Dolph Lundgren, who previously battled Stallone in the ring of Rocky IV.

Compiling this cast is a great achievement on its own, even if some of the performers prove to be truly rotten actors (Couture and Austin really stand out in the crowd thanks to exceptionally awkward line deliveries). The sheer combined brawn is exciting on its own, no matter how silly things get. But of everyone here, Lundgren's absence has been the most significant as of late and so it's great to welcome the not-so-gentle giant back to the big screen. He's leaner than before, but no less meaner. In impressive fashion, Stallone gives each guy a chance to shine, which means most of them get a fight scene to call their own. Only Rourke is truly allowed to emote and ignore the gunfire.

The group is big on muscles and charisma, which is exactly the way Stallone likes it. These guys are beefcakes with hearts and souls who know they've long since passed a violent point of no return. There's a lovable camaraderie that feels honest and fun. They're all manly men, but they bicker like boys. Some of the jokes wear a little thin a little too early (Jet Li is at the butt of many jokes about his small size), but there's a lot of testosterone-tainted chemistry between each and every guy in the Expendables gang.

Stallone wants his characters to represent something meaningful in their depiction of tough guys wrestling with the pain of everyday murder and the sheer bravura casting job keeps his wish afloat. It's all completely hokey and impossible to take seriously, but Stallone simply wants to acknowledge the pain and give each actor something to play with in addition to their muscles. It's not exactly emotionally fulfilling, but it's honest and authentic, which serves to make these supersized heroes even more likable and engaging.

But don't worry, action fans. The Expendables is not about men sitting around and having a good cry. That may happen offscreen with these guys sometimes, but this particular movie is mostly about shooting, stabbing, and slicing as many bad guys as can fill the frame. The story is simple and it plays like a sort of First Blood/Die Hard/Commando/Predator/Showdown in Little Tokyo hybrid, a veritable assortment of action flick goodies with just enough plot to provide constant excuses for action sequences.

Stallone and the gang take a job that involves roughing up a South American general (David Zayas) who's been producing cocaine crops with the help of an American slimeball (Eric Roberts, bringing a welcome dose of sweaty hamminess to the movie). There's a beautiful woman (Giselle Itié) involved and a lot of soldiers standing around, waiting to be shot. It's the exact kind of paper-thin premise that so many 80s action movies were built upon, which is fine because The Expendables is all about the brutal, bloody thrill ride as seen through the eyes of nostalgic adoration.

First and foremost, the movie is a blast and the fun factor owes as much to the cast as it does to Stallone's direction. One of his greatest strengths as an action-obsessed storyteller is in his execution of the great juggling act that is cinematic pacing. Getting the audience from start to finish with all of the parts moving forward in unison, without stalling the plot progression or sacrificing a smooth narrative flow is a talent that often eludes many action flick filmmakers. But Stallone prevents The Expendables from ever slowing down, even when he takes a break from the action to have Rourke complete his sprawling tattoo or gives Statham a moment to pine for his on-again, off-again girlfriend (Charisma Carpenter).

The energy and passion for the genre are never lost amidst all the blood and guts, which allows The Expendables to be a uniquely refreshing dose of extreme action entertainment. It may feel like we've seen it all before (some decades ago), but Stallone knows how to unleash furious action with enough vigour and vitality to make the old feel new again. This return to a key period in American action cinema promises a very specific experience and it completely delivers. It's preposterous and proud of it. It's out of control and gleefully gory. But most importantly, it knows what it is and it makes no apologies for its unabashed love of macho mayhem.

There is much fun (loads of it, actually) to be had by action movie aficionados and plenty of moments are impressively memorable. But the movie's most heroic highlight is the soon-to-be infamous scene that puts Stallone in the same room as Bruce Willis and the lately retired Arnold Schwarzenegger, who hasn't graced the big screen since his appearance in the 2004 version of Around the World in 80 Days. Seeing this trio of mammoth masculine proportions share the screen for just a couple of minutes solidifies The Expendables as the definitive ode to 80s action flicks. The scene is quite hilarious and the cameo pair play up their big-screen personas with an attitude that both winks at the audience and pays great respect to their collective place in the genre all at the same time. It's a scene that strongly sums up the events that fall before and after. The larger-than-life heroes of a bygone age have returned in glorious fashion to put one final stamp on the genre that changed forever a few decades ago and will never be the same again.