Friday the 13th

In the world of a slasher movie villain, killing is a full-time job and dying is merely a nuisance. So it comes with little surprise that iconic monster Jason Voorhees is now appearing in his twelfth murderous outing under the guise of a remake or "re-imagining" or whatever you wish to call it. This Friday the 13th takes place in the present day, but it references events from the Jason "mythology" laid down in the early original films, so while it is not a strict remake, it is ultimately a new beginning for a franchise built on longevity. And it is clear that this latest Friday is built to please a new breed of audience, as this movie offers everything you could want in a slasher flick, minus the scares.

By stuffing every item on the slasher movie checklist (inventive kills, topless women, drunken friends, late-night strolls through the woods) into this movie's lean frame with such relentless energy, there is little room for real scares. The focus is always on grandiose excess and so the genuine effect of primal fear is sacrificed in favour of goofy humour and playful gore. While all of this is very entertaining to watch for any fan of the genre (and I certainly count myself as part of that group), the movie fails to make the visceral impact that would make this rollercoaster ride truly memorable.

The plot in a slasher movie is often treated as an afterthought, so it comes as a bit of a surprise that this Friday is equipped with a few shreds of story. There is the obligatory group of twenty-somethings who have come to a family cabin at Crystal Lake for a weekend of sex, drugs, and alcohol. But there is also the inclusion of rugged drifter Clay (Jared Padelecki, of TV's Supernatural), who is traveling around the area in search of his missing sister. Of course, his sister is the sole survivor of a group that unwittingly stumbled across Jason's path and she now spends her days chained up in the villain's basement.

Clay's problems grow even more complicated when he finds an additional enemy in Trent, the alpha male of the cabin-dwelling visitors. The pair do not get along right from the start, which allows for a secondary conflict that pays off exactly as one might expect. While both young men are technically on the side of good, it is obvious that we are meant to cheer for Clay. Compared to the clean-shaven, trendy clothes-wearing Trent, Clay is one cool dude with his manly stubble and trusty motorbike. Plus, while Trent is busy whining about broken furniture in the cabin (the place belongs to his parents), Clay is off trying to rescue his sister. Without doubt, Clay is the hero of the story, while Trent is just another victim-in-waiting.

Being assigned such a role is an unfortunate fate, since Jason's victims are all killed in an especially gruesome manner. However, one consolation is that Jason kills most of his victims quite quickly, so no one has to worry about writhing in a pool of their own blood for very long. This Jason is a big fan of head trauma, so a good chunk of his victims are sent to their grave with arrows through their brains or a machete between their eyes.

But no matter what imaginative murder Jason comes up with next, the movie cannot help but sink into the depths of self-parody. When the movie nears its conclusion, just as it should be upping the fear factor, it simply increases the laugh quotient. This particular visit to Crystal Lake gives us a Jason who is more comedian than monster. This makes for a fun and silly ride, but one that comes with few jolts and squirm-inducing moments.

Director Marcus Nispel and cinematographer Daniel C. Pearl are no strangers to this material (they previously collaborated on the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) and the movie benefits from their slick and confident approach. But while the movie plays like a loving homage to the slasher genre, it never manages to muster up the gritty, grimy thrills that defined the genre back when the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween were terrorizing moviegoers.

As a big fan of this franchise (and someone who believes Jason Voorhees is one of the screen's greatest boogeymen), it is a pleasure to welcome Jason back to the big screen. This updated version packs so much crazed silliness into such a glossy package that it will certainly encourage a whole new generation of movie lovers to fall under the spell of the slasher franchise. In that sense, Nispel and his team have succeeded in a big way. But by focusing on making the movie as accessible as possible, this latest Friday misses the opportunity to be a truly terrifying getaway. No matter how you look at it, Jason is back and he's here to entertain. Just don't ask him to scare you.