Land of the Lost

Note: Once again, I would like to send my thanks and love to my father, who endured this dreadful movie with me. Our post-movie discussions are always perfectly lively and greatly inspiring to me, no matter how good or bad or in between the movie may be. And if my below words are not enough to dissuade you from seeing this horrid junk, then know that my movie-loving Dad proclaimed it not only the worst movie he's ever seen, but likely the worst movie he will ever see. Wow. Take that, Will Ferrell.

It's Will Ferrell versus dinosaurs in this summer's big-screen, big budget adaptation of the 1970s cult classic television series Land of the Lost and sadly, though not surprisingly, it is Ferrell who emerges the victor. As someone who has been fascinated by prehistoric life since my early days of childhood, there will always be a certain pleasure for me in watching dinosaurs tear up a movie screen. But considering I am not a fan of the obnoxious Ferrell, this Land of the Lost is like two forces pulling me in opposite directions. On the one hand, the dinosaurs are trying to appeal to my devoted love for gargantuan carnivores, while on the other hand, Ferrell's shtick offers up comedic kryptonite.

So it is with disappointment that I must complain that the snarling, sliming dinosaurs on display in this heap of garbage are lost entirely in the midst of some deeply unfunny nonsense. This is a Will Ferrell vehicle, plain and simple, and it just so happens to be one of the worst piles of crap Ferrell has ever attached his name to. When you're the star of such brainless drivel as Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby and Blades of Glory, that kind of distinction is very telling.

Some initial frustration with this Land of the Lost could stem from the way this movie squanders all of the possibilities of a big-screen take on the television series. Produced by Sid and Marty Krofft, the original series was an oddball mixture of Swiss Family Robinson and The Lost World. The show surrounded a father and his two children, the trio of whom were trapped in some alternate dimension teeming with prehistoric creatures. The special effects were hilariously awful and the conflicts entirely silly, but there was a charm to the intention that was quirkily mirrored in the execution.

But all of that charm has been stripped away for this glossy, soulless adaptation. It's as though everyone involved in this trash felt that what Land of the Lost really needed was less family dynamics and more Will Ferrell stupidity. But to make matters worse (just when you thought matters had hit rock bottom), the decision was made to invite budding comic actor Danny McBride along for the creaky ride. McBride is a complete enigma to me, having delivered a glowingly funny performance in last summer's Pineapple Express and a stunningly lame one in last summer's Tropic Thunder. Here, he just plays another version of Ferrell's stunted testosterone shtick. The one thing this Land of the Lost doesn't need is another Ferrell, but that's exactly what it has.

In order to steer the story away from family fun and into the PG-13 territory of scatological humour, the characters have been updated (with original names intact) as a misunderstood scientist named Rick Marhsall (Ferrell), a smart woman named Holly who is obsessed with Marshall's scientific theories (Anna Friel), and a dopey moron named Will who just tags along (McBride). This newly designed trio go through a time warp early in the movie and end up in the Land of the Lost, where they experience deeply unfunny situations involving an angry Tyrannosaurus Rex and an ape-like creature named Cha-ka.

The plot eventually veers in the direction of the Sleestaks (bug-eyed, lizard-like humanoids who have received an impressive upgrade from the creatures featured in the original series), but by the time the story shows any signs of forward progression, all hope of anything entertaining happening on screen has completely vanished. The flimsy script is credited to Chris Henchy and Dennis McNichols, who should collectively hang their heads in shame. The dinosaurs wandering in and out of the frame could vomit up a more imaginative narrative than this useless rubbish.

At the centre of it all stands Ferrell, his tired shtick calling out for attention, but deserving only derision and silence. And while I can't say I expected much better from Ferrell, I am a bit surprised that director Brad Silberling didn't bring something more to the table. Silberling is by no means a brilliant filmmaker, but he has made a couple somewhat satisfying movies, from the gently touching (if a tad forgettable) drama Moonlight Mile to the mildly entertaining kids flick Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. Those movies at least prevented excruciating boredom from infesting my pores. Under his direction, Land of the Lost is a lazy, unforgivable mess.

Despite all of the impressively animated dinosaurs stomping around in this alternate world, this painfully awkward movie refuses to be anything more than a really bad, terribly moronic Will Ferrell flick. It dies at the hands of his shtick and no amount of awesome dinosaur presence can revive it. This is celluloid proof that Ferrell's comedic well has run dry and that tailoring a movie to fit his limited abilities is a form of creative suicide. I certainly love dinosaurs, but I hate this Land of the Lost.